The first crack
by mtm
Summary: Episode tag to 5x2 "Devil's cherry". Would Lisbon really leave Jane alone after such a day?


**A/N:** Thank you for all the people who read the first tag. Here is the next one. This is my take on what happened after the end of the episode as I can't believe Lisbon would just leave Jane alone after he clearly displayed signs of distress earlier. I hope you like it!

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**5.2 The first crack**

Lisbon sat down on a stool behind an abandoned filing cabinet. She leaned against the wall as she struggled to keep her eyes open as she waited for Jane to return to his room. She had been sitting here now for nearly an hour, having sneaked in when she noticed Jane leaving earlier, as she had been sure that he would return shortly and she really wanted to talk to him before turning in for the night.

The dimness of the room together with the warm glow of the single lamp had calmed her down and the warmth of the room didn't help too much either as she struggled to stay awake after the adrenalin rush of the day. Just when she was slipping into that hazy level between sleep and wakefulness, she heard the soft thread of footsteps.

She opened her eyes without moving and observed Jane slipping in, setting a brown paper bag on the table and mechanically go about filling a kettle and getting his tea cup out. He seemed oblivious to her and she enjoyed the rare moment of being able to watch him without his façade up.

He looked tired and sad, his eyes burning with desperation, his whole being hunched and moving with jerky movements. His usual nonchalant grace was glaringly absent and Lisbon felt her eyes misting over as she pondered over how badly he still missed his family and how he never seemed to get a break. She found it difficult to fathom how he still managed to carry on without showing the sorrow and the longing he must have been feeling every day.

As she quietly observed him making his tea and sitting down to drink it, the sweet smell of the tea suddenly hit her and she sprung up from her stool, startling Jane causing him to drop his cup, which thudded on the floor spilling the rest of the brew.

"Jane, what the hell do you think you are doing?" Lisbon demanded as she strode towards him.

"I wanted to see her again," Jane whispered as his glazed eyes met Lisbon's.

Lisbon took his face in her hands, trying to gauze how much he had drunk of the belladonna and trying not to cry at the most earnest and sad expression she had ever seen on his face.

"I know, but this is not the way to do it," Lisbon gently scolded him as she held his head against her chest while fishing her cell out of her pocket to call the ambulance.

When he started convulsing again, she slipped onto the floor while still holding him, determined not to let go this time. She swore that she would not let him out of her sight now that she knew how deeply affected he was and the lengths he was willing to go to just see his imaginary daughter one more time. She couldn't take it if she lost him again.

xxx

In the hospital they pumped his stomach again and left her to sit next to him. They had offered psychiatric evaluation and support, but she had sternly declined. She knew that they would get nowhere with Jane, whereas she might have a small chance of him listening to her. Or at least she could keep a very close eye on him once they were out of the hospital.

Jane had been less affected than last time and seemed to be more agitated than tripping and the only way to calm him down had been her holding his hand.

A quiet sigh of "Lisbon" alerted her that he was gaining consciousness and she squeezed his hand to respond. She didn't trust her voice with the sudden tightness in her chest at the sound of his voice.

He blinked his eyes open and took his surroundings in and sighed deeply in resignation.

"I'm back again," he stated softly. Lisbon stayed quiet, stroking his knuckles with her fingers.

"I didn't even see her," he choked, screwing his eyes closed very tightly in an effort to contain his emotions and turning his face away from her.

Lisbon felt overwhelming empathy and sadness for him and she felt her eyes misting over again as she watched him struggle with his breathing, trying in vain to keep his composure, only to lose it a second later.

As she watched him struggle with a foreign ache in her chest, a nurse quietly passed by, paused and gently drew a curtain around Jane's bed. Lisbon nodded gratefully to her, to which she smiled a little with compassionate eyes and carried on with her duties, leaving Lisbon to keep vigil over the distraught Jane.

And when Jane slipped into belladonna induced exhausted sleep, Lisbon could feel her own exhaustion coming back in full force. There were only so many shocks she could take in one day and now her reserves were completely depleted.

She blamed her exhausted foggy brain as she climbed up on the bed with Jane and curled up to him. This was the only way to make sure he didn't slip out again, she tried to tell herself as she held his hand tightly against her chest when her exhaustion finally caught up with her.

**The end**


End file.
